Will You Remember Me?

I look through my window...

Outside is a sunny day,

However I feel so sad,

So empty, so lost! ...

I realised that none of my dreams

Will ever come true!!

When I die,

Who's going to remember me ?

Will you remember who I was?

Will you know what I did ?

What a waste of a lovely day!

I should go out for a walk,

Feel the sun on my face...

I should,

But I rather stay indoors,

Crying, suffering on my own...

Wishing what I cannot have !

Just feeling this anguish within me!

Time is running fast

I cannot keep the pace...

I feel drowning

I feel lonely...

Who's going to remember me,

When you are gone too, my love?

Will you keep my memory , my friend?

No one to tell the story

Nobody in here to tell,

How much I could love and care...

Nothing will remain,

No tales, no memories

Everything will be lost,

In this empty world !

I don't want to go

I don't want to feel the sorrow...

Darkness surrounding me

Thoughts banging in my head...

I crouch and I cry

Nowhere to escape

No one to remember ...

Just loneliness

Infinite empty space where I lost myself !

What a lovely day to dream

To have hope

To believe in the future

To smile !!...

Yet, it hurts so much !

What's the point of living

If, at the end there is nothing

To keep my memory alive ?...

What's the point of such a pain ??

This emptiness in my heart ?

This darkness in my soul ?...

I close my eyes,

And I fly in the eternal night

Looking for my place in this world !

Whispers everywhere

Cold chills through my bones ...

No light, no path

Just infinite darkness ...

No answers, nobody

No feelings,

Just myself in my world,

Running away

Deceiving time ,

Turning myself into a dark butterfly...

Such a waste of a sunny day,

Still I can't avoid all those questions

Always haunting me,

Night and day !

I close my eyes,

Tears roll down my face

Fast like rain in a stormy day !!

So, will you remember me in the end?...

July 2011

Wondering if do they care .....

DOES ANYONE CARE?

One more day begun

I tried to smile

But pains were too strong!

The only thing I want is to sleep...

To make all this go away...

This fatigue

That fills my soul

And prevents me to get up,

Is weaken me

Is clouding my judgment

Is killing me inside!!

I feel so tired

Still, I waited for your call

So that I would know that you care!

The sun shines bright outside...

I can't open my eyes though

Because the light hurt them!

And the dark it's all I can stand!...

Unhappy I feel, 'cause I lost hope

And without hope there's no happiness!...

For the one who keeps the hope

Of being happy one day

Will be happy forever!..

Pain makes me feel miserable,

Makes me follow a different path!

I thought friends cared

I thought I was not alone...

Yet, here I am

Suffering in silence

Screaming inside,

So lonely...

I hate feeling like this!

I don't want to live like this

I don't want to breath

So that I can't feel anything at all!

I don't want to dream

'Cause there's no hope for me ...

I just want to know that you care !

I want you to feel my pains

To understand how they make me feel!...

I struggle to fight all these feelings

But it's so hard to deal with so many pains,

Day after day,

All day long!

My strenght is fading fast

Dying inside each day

Loosing hope every minute

And I wonder where my friends are.....

If I wasn't here tomorrow

Would anyone loose sleep?

Would anyone care or miss me?

All these pains I have to live with

All this sorrow,

My effort to be strong for you all...

Does it matter at all in the end?...

I just want to lay down and never wake up!

Because I don't want to live like this anymore...

I want a better life,

Without pain!

Can you even imagine

How much I suffer inside?

Do you really care?

I just want to feel better!!

I don't want to surrender,

Still it's so hard....

I want to open my eyes

See the beauty of the day

Believe that all the pain will disappear..

Yet I know it's a lie!

I will never be all right!

I don't want you to see me cry,

So I smile!

Nevertheless, here I am

In my silence,

Waiting for your concern ...

If only you could hold on my hand ..

Say "you'll be okay",

I might believe in you!..

So fed up of living like this ...

All this endless pain..

Please, make it end!

Silent tears

Inner screams

Eternal battles

'Cause I can't deal with this disease!

I just need a friendly voice

To ease my torment...

Just a flower to light my day...

Just a whisper to make me believe again!

Where are you when i'm in agony?

Do you care?

Do you worry?

Will you look for me ?

Will you send me a signal?

Soon it would be night

Though I still feel all this weariness

All this powerless!

I want to move

But I find myself stuck..

I try so hard to be strong

To control this lack of hope ...

Tears filling my eyes

A silent scream in the emptiness of my soul..

So defeated

So alone

All this pain and exhaustion....

Where are my friends?

Who's gonna hold me?

Who's gonna help me?

No one knows...

You don't care!

I need to pull myself together

And fight this monster inside!

I will show you all

That I can do it on my own... as always!

Just silent tears

Just deaf screams

Just an invisible struggle!

Tomorrow it's another day

Probably one more day in my life...

Empty, painful, lonely

Like many others!..

Just one more step

In this path of punishment

One more silent day

One more lie

One more false hope...

So,

If I wasn't here tomorrow

Would anyone miss me?

Or,

When i'm gone will you know indeed

How I really lived?

All the pain

All the sorrow

All the struggle...

All the tears that you didn't see

All the whispers when I was suffering?

Will you remember the best of me?

Pain pull back all my hopes and dreams...

No matter how hard you try

You just can't get rid of it!...

In your selfishness,

Would you understand how hard it is

For me to live the way I do ?...

Pretending to be fine

Smiling to disguise the pain inside?

Will you ever imagine how painful

It is have a life like mine?...

If you only knew that

A friendly voice sometimes is enough to ease the pain

That a call asking "are you ok?" would be the least you could do!!

I think I go for a sleep...

Maybe one day

I will find light and happiness again....

Maybe one day

I will wake up and all my hopes and dreams are back again...

Maybe one day...

But for now,

Let me go trying to stop my sorrow!!.....

June 2011

Mălina Olinescu - Eu cred

This is only for you... Allways One...

GooGle Translation:
I think
Me, I'll wait
I think that's not right
Let me just your memory is kept
I feel that you always
You're around me
Thought and spirit that protects me
You give me courage

I think I hear
I think not forget
From heaven to give me
A sign that you will stay
If I could have reached your world
I'd ask back
I believe in us

Maybe I'm wrong
Do not know how to look
The stars, and there you find
You live only in dreams
As you promised
We stay good friends
Good Friends

I think I hear
I think not forget
From heaven to give me
A sign that you will stay
If I could have reached your world
I'd ask back
I believe in us

Sometimes I feel as I look
I want to know
Only silence me a cred

I think I hear
I think not forget
From heaven to give me
A sign that you will stay
Me, if I could have reached your world
I'd ask back
I'd ask back
I believe in us
Ooh ...



Romanian Version:

Eu cred
Eu, eu te mai aştept
Cred că nu e drept
Să-mi rămână numai amintirea că ai fost
Eu simt că tu mereu
Eşti în jurul meu
Gând şi spirit ce mă ocroteşti
Îmi dai curaj

Eu cred că m-asculţi
Eu cred că nu uiţi
Din cer să îmi dai
Un semn că mai stai
Dac-aş putea s-ating lumea ta
Te-aş cere-napoi
Eu cred în noi

Eu poate că greşesc
Nu ştiu să privesc
Către stele, şi-acolo să te regăsesc
Tu vii numai în vis
Aşa cum mi-ai promis
Noi rămânem tot prieteni buni
Prieteni buni

Eu cred că m-asculţi
Eu cred că nu uiţi
Din cer să îmi dai
Un semn că mai stai
Dac-aş putea s-ating lumea ta
Te-aş cere-napoi
Eu cred în noi

Uneori te simt cum mă priveşti
Vreau să ştii
Numai liniştea mi-o dăruieşti

Eu cred că m-asculţi
Eu cred că nu uiţi
Din cer să îmi dai
Un semn că mai stai
Eu, dac-aş putea s-ating lumea ta
Te-aş cere-napoi
Te-aş cere-napoi
Eu cred în noi
Ooh...

What Am I? (part 2)

What am I?

A dark soul lost in time

An angel from hell

Bringing pain and sorrow!...

Misunderstood by the world am I!

I try to give love

And it turns into hate...

I try to give honey

But it tastes like poison!....

Darkness itself I am!

Always hurting

Never pleasing ...

I am the cry of the wolf in the cold night!...

Attempting to reach you,

I opened my heart to you

Yet you said I was evil....

Nasty words wounding me deeply,

Bleeding inside....

I am a lonely soul

Searching for its place,

A dark angel ...

Failing her mission!

I speak words of love and care

Still you can only hear harsh whispers in the air....

I am wicked...

I am hateful....

I hurt and damage ....

I don't belong here!

I wish so much that each of you look at me

And really see who I am!...

However,

No matter what I do

No matter Where I go

No matter what I say...

It's never good enough!

Cold heart

Drifting in the darkness of this world..

Feeling so lost, so empty...

Waiting for a sign!

Always trying to reach you...

Always trying to be loved..

Constantly attempting to be seen !

But eternelly disappointing.....

Nothing I can do

Will make you change your mind...

So blind you all are in your own world

That you cannot see the truth....

I do have feelings

I do care and love

I would give my life for each of you ...

I would share my love

I would open my heart....

But,

Damn you all

Always getting away from me

Because I am mean!

Judging me all the time !

Never listening to what i'm saying ...

It seems that I never do it right....

No matter how hard I try!...

I am nothing

I am the stone in your path...

I am the dust that blurs your vision ...

I am the the thunder that strikes you !

Evil soul

Lost in this world full of hate...

I am the wind that destroys everything..

I am the owl scaring you in the night !

I am darkness!

I tried to be perfect

I gave the world my heart

I trusted the world my soul

Yet, you tear it apart

fed on it....

And in the end ... spit on the leftovers !

I am evil

I am nothing

I am pain

I am the destroyer!!!

I tried though I failed once again...

Lost words in the night

Silent screams in my head...

Bleeding inside....

Misunderstood all the time !

Why do I try?

If I say sun you will hear moon,

If I say light you will understand dark

If I say - I am sorry, you will not listen!

You said I hurt you ...

You said I am evil itsellf

You said I scare people with my mean words

That they go away 'cuz I am not good!....

So what am I?

I am devil

I am a creep

I am the dust in the street

The storm that ravish eveything on its way

I am the darkness of the world

I am the frozen heart

I am suffering

I am poison!!!

I am eveything that does not worth it !

Dark angel with evil feelings ...

Cold soul lost forever

I am the fire that burns your hapiness...

I am what I am ...

You see evil where's is goodness

You see poison where's sweetness

You see hate where's love....

I might be the darkness in your day

I might be the nasty stone in your path

And the storm in your paradise...

I am emptiness!!

I'm just a lost soul

Looking for its place in this world ....

Crying for helpBegging for forgiveness

Asking to be seen....

However, the world is blind

And so are you!!!..

Hateful world

Judging me all the time ...

Pointing the finger...

Accusing! Killing!!

Sending me away ...

Never listening

Never understanding

Never forgiving !

Blindness and ignorance

Ruling your hearts!

So busy to see

That I am a soul with pure feelings!....

That I can love and give so much......

If I had the chance ..

But in the end...

I will always be ,

An evil dark angel ...

No matter what I do

No matter what I say

No matter where I go....

Always evil
Always empty

Always darkness!....

May 2011

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over

In reply to the previous post...
Together we can...

UNTOLD FEELINGS

I'm lost in the night...
The sky is grey I wander why...
My heart stopped beating
'Cuz the pain is too strong!!...

I cry because I do not know
What am I doing....
Sneaky shades in the street
Following me
Haunting my thoughts!!

I want to feel
But my heart cannot beat anymore!
I want to scream
But no sound comes out from my mouth!!..
I want to say "forgive me"
But I do not find the right words....

Dark eternal night
Endless suffering
So lost
So empty!..

Deep inside i'm dying each day
I cannot find my way back!!..
I hear you calling my name in the distance
Trying to rescue me from myself....

Endless tears
Blurring my vision...
Crows in the night
Knives in my soul..

Crying, shouting in this empty space
whispering insane words
Wishing the impossible...
Running away!!

Grey night sky
Upon my head...
Stars pointing to me accusingly....
And I feel so small!

It aches inside,
All this solitude....
It burns like fire in hell
All this silence deep in my heart...

Forgive me,
For making you suffer!
forgive me,
For making you feel less!
Forgive me,
For making you think that I do not care!

Wash away my hard words
They are meaningless!....
All this darkness
All this pain....

Hopelessness heart....
Lonesome soul...
So foolish
So ruthless.....

In the eternal night I am
Lost forever
Trying to tell you "I do care"
Words lost in the wind...
Birds dying in the night!

Sleepless I am...
Forgive me,
For I do not know where i'm going to...
Save me from my own...
Embrace the night
And rise me up in your arms ...
Because lost I am!....


May 2011